my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
