All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
