Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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