What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I just had sex on a roof
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
