I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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