He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
