I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
