It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
