She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
