Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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