i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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