Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
