she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
