I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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