Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
