craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
