I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
