What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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