it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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