No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Floor bacon is actually really good
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
