Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
