So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
