put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
