STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
