Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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