Cold hands, warm shart.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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