Barsexuality is the new black.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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