R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
