After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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