He is such a slut. More and more my type.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
