we're chasing vodka with high fives
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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