It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
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