God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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