K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
