During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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