I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
