I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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