So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
