I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
