Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
