Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
