DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
