eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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