Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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