Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the room spins SO much faster in panama
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
