All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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