Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
