Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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