im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
