ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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