Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
