i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
