It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
