I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
